More on names

On Saturday I talked with my brother Sean about my intent to transition and change my name. His initial response was that he thought that if I couldn't be happy as a female I wouldn't ever be happy. He said that he couldn't understand making such a major life change. But then he said that he understood that unless you're living it, you can't fully understand it, and that I should do what I need to do.

About the name thing, though, he urged me to reconsider keeping the name Ray, to avoid over-complicating my life and so that everyone else doesn't have to re-learn my name. He admitted that the story of Jacob and the angel was impressive (he says he hadn't heard of it before) and that because of that meaning, he could see changing my name to Jacob. But he still thought Ray (NOT Raymond) was the best way to go.

He has a very good point. The only thing is, I'm really not comfortable with Ray. For one thing, I've been known as Ray the woman for so long, and then there's the family baggage the name Ray carries. So I looked up other names which start with Ray. Raynor. Raynell. Rayburn. None of them feel right. They feel too pretentious.

But it got me thinking, and it occurred to me that I could just change the spelling of my name to Rey. I already knew that Rey is 'king" in Spanish, which makes me a little uneasy. I'm not the King. I'm not even a king, and I don't aspire to be. I looked the name up online and found that it is also derived from a Gaelic word for "red". That's less heavy of a meaning, but still one that I don't really fit, unless you count my rather pink complexion.

So I really don't know. I like the idea of making a change, but not making people call me anything different. I don't like inconveniencing people. And it would be very wearing to tell everyone I know that I was Ray, and now I'm Jacob. A spelling change wouldn't have to be announced. Once it was my legal name, it would go on my work email account and ID badge and people would see the change. I could start spelling my name differently on my nametag at church. It wouldn't be much of a big deal, but I would know I had changed it from "gender-neutral" to a more exclusively male spelling.

So. Not Jesse. Maybe Jacob, maybe Rey, maybe Ray_____, if I find an alternative name beginning with Ray that I like. I'm leaning toward Rey right now, just having trouble swallowing the meaning "king."

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