Want

Today I accompanied my father and brother to the outlet stores in Camarillo, and I realized something. I want too much. I didn't need any clothes, and escaped with only buying a single shirt, but there were so many other clothes that I wanted. At Target the other day I bought a pair of pants and three T-shirts which I didn't actually need. Today I wanted. If something was masculine, whether or not it was my style (let alone budget) I wanted it badly.

I yearn for masculinity, for all things male. The feeling is so strong within me. I wonder if it'll subside once I'm living as a man, whenever that is.

The good news is, my family is completely behind my choosing the MSW program, albeit without knowing that a large reason is the feasibility of gender transition.

I'm still waiting for an opportunity to be alone with my brother long enough to come out to him. He'll be the most accepting, and I want his input. It has to happen sometime during this vacation, right? Two days down, six to go.