Breaking news

I got my first shot of testosterone this evening!

Oddly, however, I'm not on Cloud 9. I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but I also feel a little disappointed. I think I expected to feel more "male" pretty much immediately after the shot. But I don't feel any different at all. It reminds me of how I always felt on my birthdays growing up, when I thought I would feel older but nothing really changed.

Two weeks until my next shot. I wonder how many it'll take before I notice any changes.

I'm reconsidering whether to file for a name change now or to wait until I've had chest surgery. I can't legally change my gender without surgery, so if I change my name now I would also have to file a petition to change my gender later. Each time is a $355 filing fee. Meaning that if I wait, I'll save $355. The program manager at work said that I didn't have to legally change my name before changing it at work. So maybe it's worth it to wait a few more months, until I can have my surgery. Which means getting my butt in gear researching surgeons. I'm leaning heavily toward Dr. Brownstein in San Francisco. The surgery costs about $7,500 including anesthesia and hospital fees. I would also have to stay in the area for about a week, as well as pay for the meals and lodging of not only myself but whoever I take with me to help with the bandages and drains and all. The other Jacob volunteered to go with me, or I might ask my brother. I don't know how far in advance I'll have to schedule the surgery. If I take Jacob I'll probably have to schedule it for Spring Break or the summer, as he is a student. My brother's schedule is currently flexible, as he graduates in a few weeks and has no job lined up yet, but I don't know if he would be willing.

You know, I know life is supposed to be about the journey and all, but right now I'm feeling impatient about reaching my destination gender-wise. When can I be like just any other man?