Today's fortune is. . .

I opened a fortune cookie today, and the fortune read: "THERE ARE BIG CHANGES AHEAD FOR YOU." Couldn't have been more right. Big changes.

It's been a struggle, but last night I finally came out to my Uncle Monte (also my godfather), my Aunt "Nana" (also my godmother) and my grandmother via email. I have received responses from all of them, none sounding shocked or even surprised, and each stating that they love me as I am. The only criticism was from my aunt and grandmother, and that was with my choice of name: Jacob is a Jewish name (like my birthname) and I'm not Jewish. I am Catholic and Irish, as are they, and they would prefer that I choose an Irish name or a saint's name.

Had I spoken to them two months ago, I have no doubt that I would have selected an Irish name. Yes, Jacob has meaning to me. I am inspired and shaped by the story of Jacob in the Bible. But at the same time, it isn't the only name I can identify with. I never really stopped to consider any Irish names, but a name both my aunt and my grandmother suggested, Aiden (or Aidan), actually appeals to me. I looked it up, and there was a Saint Aidan who was known for his kindness to animals, as well as for doing miracles. According to legend, he turned a deer invisible so that it wouldn't be eaten by wolves. That's my kind of saint. Aidan has a nice sound to it. Another plus is that it isn't as common a name as Jacob, while not being completely out there either. Only problem is that I'm already going by Jacob at church and with various doctors, JT with my trans friends (there's another Jacob), and have told other people of my name choice of Jacob. I'd be so flaky to change it now. Part of me says that until I've submitted my petition to legally change my name, it isn't too late to change. But at the same time, telling all these people that I've changed my name again doesn't sound appealing.

Sometimes I just don't know what I want.

Changing the subject a bit, I have a surgery date officially scheduled: March 31st. A friend (Jacob) will be going with me to help out in the first few days following my surgery.

I've been on the hormones for nearly six weeks now. Haven't noticed a lot of changes, but I know I have to be patient. In a way it's good, because it gives a little more time before I have to be out everywhere, so I can do this at my own pace.

March 17th is the day I'm scheduled to come out at work. First I'll talk to my immediate coworkers in a unit meeting that morning, then at lunch I'll tell the coworkers in my training cohort. From there, word will spread, I'm sure. I've applied to be switched out of case management, to be a court writer (a person whose job consists of writing petitions and reports to the Court). It would mean leaving my unit, and my very supportive supervisor, but I think it would be better than coming out to each of a hundred different people (foster kids, care providers, birth parents) about my trans status. Normally there's a rule that if you apply for a new position within the Department, you have to work there two years before you're eligible to request reassignmnt, but my supervisor thinks they might make an exception and let me return to my unit in a few months. We'll see.

Lastly (and most prominent on my mind), I emailed my mother an hour or so ago. I've asked her to not reply right away, but to take as long as a week or two to process the information. I'm really afraid of how she'll respond. I'm relieved, though, that I have support from other members of my family.