Jacob vs. Aiden

I wish I had a time machine, and could go back in time a couple months and talk to my family (grandmother, aunt, and uncle) about my decision then, and receive their advice for choosing a name. I'm sure I would have chosen Aidan. Both have meaningful stories behind them. While Jacob's story has had more influence on my life than that of St. Aidan (I hadn't heard of St. Aidan until this week) St. Aidan was pretty cool too. Actually I found three saints named Aidan, all Irish, and all of whom lived interesting and admirable lives. Advantages the name Aidan has over the name Jacob: Aidan is not as common a name, while still being a recognized name which is pronounceable in English. Aidan has a cool meaning (flame) as opposed to Jacob (supplanter). Aidan is an Irish name, and I identify as Irish.

It's true, one big reason for leaning toward Aidan rather than Jacob is the fact that my family prefers that name. I know that I'm an adult and responsible for making my own decisions, but I still desire my family's approval. Plus, if they like my chosen male name, they're more likely to call me by it, rather than by my given female name.

The only thing holding me back is the fact that so many people have already began adjusting to the name Jacob, and I'll look really flaky if I change it now. I've already gone from Rachel to Ray to Jess to Jacob. Also, I'm concerned that my therapist and/or surgeon would decide that this means I am not ready for surgery, and that the surgery would be delayed (and I would lose my $500 deposit).

I've already decided that I'm skipping church tomorrow, and possibly next weekend too if I haven't yet worked out what I want to do. I can't handle being called Jacob right now, not unless I become more certain that this is the name I'm going to stick with.